I’m being haunted by a ghost from the future. The ghost of a manuscript I’ve yet to finish. Can you see it there, floating ahead of you? White as a sheet, ethereal and otherworldly. Goddammit I wish that damn ghost would leave me alone.
I felt guilty last night having had a full weekend of writers block (both on the blog front and with my manuscript) but was struck by that fairy – otherwise known as my ‘muse’ or my ‘spirit guide’ or whatever you want to call it – shortly before I was supposed to be going to bed. I stayed up later than I probably should have but wrote a useful and tasty 3,000 words (which, no doubt, I will have to gut and rework at some point in the future).
Herein lies my most recent problem. I’m at (practically) 50,000 words – the barest length a novel can actually be considered a novel – and thankfully I’m not quite at the end yet, but it is in sight. It’s like a shadow lurking around the corner, lying in wait for me: the unsuspecting writer. I’m actually excited for what might lay in store. However, I’m being held back by something – the aforementioned ghost that is haunting me.
At this point in the creation of my novel I’ve begun to obsess over the impending second draft. Will it be better than what I’m writing now? Will a second draft deter me from what could be my first (good) finished novel? How difficult is it to write a second draft? I’ve never had to do it before.
Yes, I’m scared – but also excited! I feel like I’ve become more of a writer over the past seven or eight months than I have in a long time. I’ve really matured and learned my limits – not only that, but I’ve discovered things about myself as a writer that I didn’t know I held inside of me. It’s given me a new confidence and a new lease of life. I only hope that it will serve sufficient fuel to get me through the no-doubt troubling time ahead of me.
Anyway, no pictures or serious musings tonight I’m afraid – I feel like there’s a little bit of that fire from last night still burning in me (it’s always when I’m tired and it’s late!) and I need to use every ounce of it if I want to get past this dreaded stage of creation that I’m in at the moment. I look forward to doing a proper blog entry soon.
Until then, readers, I wish you all the best.